On Saturday my beautiful angel would have turned thirteen. 

 

Thirteen a right of passage into the world of the teenager.

 

I wonder what she would have been like at thirteen, would she have been full of hormones and drama like her sisters.

 

How would she have aged, would those adorable blond curls start to straighten, her blue eyes widen.

Im not sure how to feel, as we put up her cards and her special balloon.

 

I’m sad and angry all in one moment and so very lost.

 

We had a family meal Alan, I and the girls, just  sitting and sharing our memories, so sweet, so bitter sweet.

 

We had balloons to release with messages to heaven. Ribbons to tie on the tree at her special place.

 

So many flowers adorn her grave, so much love, so much pain.

 

 

How do we go on?  It’s a question I wonder everyday

 

One step at a time.

 

One day at a time. 

 

Time is supposed to heal, I’m not sure that’s the truth. I feel that maybe in time you learn to  the handle the pain easier, develop a higher threshold. 

 

Livvy was an amazing young lady who blessed our life for nine and a half years. It wasn’t enough. Is it ever enough?

 

My heart aches to hold my sweet daughter once again. I hope dear Livvy you are causing chaos in heaven. May my grandparents be holding you close and have brushed  your sweet cheeks with birthday kisses. Im saving all mine up until that blessed day when we are reunited. 

 

I do have so much to be thankful for, three amazing daughters who bless my life each day. Who make me so proud with their kindness and caring well beyond their years.

 

They too miss Livvy desperately but together we have made a pact. We are going to live life like Livvy did. With courage, strength and joy and most of all with love and hope.

 

Our family may have one member in heaven but we are still a family.