I have to fight the month of May.

 

The fear that spreads over me when I hear the words its name.

 

Its just a three letter word so why do I let it hold my heart at ransom?

 

It’s simple, May 5th is Livvy’s birthday.

 

May is Livvy’s birthday month, one that should be filled with celebration and hope for the forthcoming year.

 

Not lost with an emptiness only heaven can fill.

 

I need to stop the dread that is flowing though my blood straight into my heart.

 

I have to rejoice of that special day 13 years ago when God blessed me with such a beautiful gift.

 

For nine and a half years I got to hold her close and love her dearly.

 

To whisper into her ear sweet loving words, and to tickle her stomach until she screamed out loud.

 

May brought me a blessing.

 

This I should remember and hold close to my chest like a defibrillator to restart the beating of my heart.

 

I need to start planning a celebration of her life, balloons to be send up to heaven, with love notes tied to there strings.

 

A meal for us all to sit and remember our sweet mischievous daughter, our cheeky monkey of a sister. Tears may fall but please Lord let them be tears of laughter not of pain.

 

Let us browse though photo albums with a thankful heart.

 

God blessed us with an angel that wasn’t ours to keep but ours to hold in our heart.

 

Lets us pray words of thankfulness and hold close the promise that one day we will be reunited.

 

So listen up the month of May, this year i’m going to fight the hold you have on my heart.

 

Through the sorrow, through the pain, through the emptiness of my arms I am going to praise God for the blessing he gave me on that special day 13 years ago.

 

Im going to be thankful that my life was transformed by my beautiful daughter Olivia Georgia Meredith.

 

I miss her dearly and my broken heart weeps but through those tears I will hold on to the truth that our God is good and one day I will walk beside her again.

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”~Kahlil Gibran