How do you hold on ?

 Keep the memories fresh

 I’m scared of forgetting, of others forgetting.

 Losing a child is a pain I can not describe. The whole world carries on when it shouldn’t. It should just grind to a halt right there and then.

 Your heart is broken and cannot be fixed.

 Your soul is torn with ragged edges. 

 It’s darkness and you can’t see the light.

 Three years on and my heart is still forever broken. My soul in tatters but I can see the light. The promise of eternity.

 Yet I still struggle. 

 It seems so strange to not hear her name. 

 To not make plans which include her.

 I get scared at times that the world is forgetting her. That family are losing the image of that cheeky grin from their minds.

 I cannot cope with this, I was told that no one leaves you if you hold memories in your heart. But what if your memories are fading?

 Brodie said the other day, “sometimes mom I can’t remember Livvy’s face. I have to go look at a photo”.

 I don’t want my child to be forgotten , to just be a distant memory brought only to the front of our minds for special days or anniversaries.

 I want to sew her laughter into the tapestry of life. Her giggle to be in the here and now.

 I want to chat about her courage, her love of life. Her way of making the day seem brighter with her mischievous nature.

 I want her with us on days out, see her playing with her sisters.

Creating new memories for us all to share.

 I don’t want her to be the past.

 I want her here in the present.

 I can’t face her being forgotten.

 Please don’t forget her.