My big two have been away this weekend and I have really missed them.

The house was so quiet, no arguments, no dodgy music blaring from each bedroom competing with each other.

I even managed to get into the bathroom on my first attempt.

Yet in the quietness I was struck by two things.

Firstly I prefer noise, I love the hustle of a busy home.

Secondly they are growing up, how many more years will they be at home. K is 16 this year, E is 15, they are both heading towards adulthood at a alarming pace.

It only feels like yesterday life was a merry go round of baby appointments and toddler groups, now it’s youth groups, parties and boyfriends.

I knew it was going to happen one day but truthfully it has snuck up on me.

There came a moment quite suddenly a mother realized that a child was no longer hers. … without bothering to ask or even give notice, her daughter had just grown up.-Alice Hoffman

They are great girls, they have visions and dreams for the future and are determined to see them come true. Bright, beautiful, annoying and totally amazing each in their own unique way.

I’m not ready for all of this. I’m not ready for them to be grown ups.

I need to be needed. I want to go back to being the centre of their world.

When I had my first daughter my mom said “cherish these moments as they don’t stay little for long”. I didn’t understand at the time, I thought I had forever, but they do grow In a blink of an eye.

My advice to any new mother is as my mom said, cherish every moment.

I guess I’m going to have get used to them growing up, admiring the young woman they are becoming, but the ache is still there in my heart. I know they still need me but it’s different. They turn to friends, boyfriends for advice now also.

It’s not easy being a parent, at first you wonder if you will ever survive those sleepless nights, now it’s the fear of letting go.

Saying all this I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I love being a mom and my girls rock.

As for poor B my baby maybe I’m just going to lock her away and keep her my baby forever. The curse of being the youngest I suppose.