Being a committed Christian I believe that when someone dies they go to a wonderful place, so for me I am sure Livvy is sitting in heaven laughing and joking with my loved ones that have gone before me. That she is free from pain and the devastating condition that took her life.
Yet while this brings me a great deal of comfort it’s the missing that tears at my soul. It isn’t easy to explain how I’m torn by these emotions.
I guess I’m jaded by the world around me it feels like there are so many ulterior motives, full of “what’s in it for me”.
There has to be more than what I can see!
There is innocent left in the world I’m sure. People who do just because or simply out of love.
I had innocence for a while I held her close in the dark days smelling her sweet baby shampooed hair, soaking into my soul the purity of her heart.
Some say special needs I believe Livvy was special gifted.
The world washed over her shoulders, life was lived with love and laughter. Her smile was like a warm glow that radiated to the depths of the coldest, darkest places.
My days could be horrific I could be at the end of my strength then like a healing balm her giggles restored my faith my strength.
I crave for the moments I lay beside her on her bed. The two of us content on just being together. Just to feel the softness of her hand as she placed it in mine.
Five minutes in Livvy’s company and the stresses of my day faded away to the insignificance they were. The realisation that all my worries really were nothing in the bigger picture of life.
Courage, strength, innocence and pure love, these I’m missing. I’m missing Livvy and while I know she is safe, perfect and being loved, the missing is driving me insane.