If I wouldn’t be judged harshly, I would say ________ out loud.

 

Again I have undertook the challenge of the Brit Mums Blog Prompt.

If I wouldn’t be judged harshly, I would say _____________ out loud.

Simply this would be ,

 I’m struggling

I am the picture of a woman moving forward, being strong for her children, facing  her grief.

Look under the covers you would be surprised at what you might find.

The ragged edges of pure grief tearing into my mind and heart. A word , a smell I’m falling back through the years, holding her again in my arms.

It’s been nearly three years since we lost her, but to me it feels like only yesterday. As I close my eyes I  peel back the years and release the memories, this in when the tears begin to fall.

So if I was going to confess something in hope of not being judged it is simply this,

I’m struggling, its hurting.

9 thoughts on “If I wouldn’t be judged harshly, I would say ________ out loud.

  1. Oh Bless you! I have no idea how to help you but please know that we’re all here for you and are supporting you. Writing will help. Remembering will help. Time will help and heal. Thank you so much for sharing this and I’ll give you a virtual hug as well.

    Karin @ BritMums

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  2. Huge, huge hugs! I can’t imagine losing a child and how devastating it must be. No parent should ever outlive any of their children. Thank you for being so brave as to post this, well done! I know from experience that admitting you are having problems & struggling with things is the first step to helping you deal with them. *hugs*

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  3. Hi. I haven’t spoken to you before but as a woman who has lost someone she loves, I can understand some of the pain you’re feeling. Writing and talking will help. I promise it will. Don’t keep your feelings bottled up. Sending a cyber hug along with Karin x

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  4. Oh hun, I can not even begin to comprehend what you are going through and I am sure if I had been through the same I would feel exactly like you do. The first step is admitting it which you have done and you need to talk to your family. You can not always be the strong one, you need to talk about your feelings, maybe even to a grief councillor. The more you hide them away the more they will eat at you. I know it is easy for me to say this but it is great you have written this down and I hope you feel a bit better for doing this. Big hugs are being sent your way and I wish there was more I could do. Take care Kizzy x

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  5. I hear your pain. I have not shared your experience exactly but have experienced deep loss. I wish I could take away all the grief and pain for you.

    She will be forever in your thoughts and heart and in all of those she touched in her all too brief life.

    You’re doing better than you think, keep expressing, keep crying.

    I’m so sorry life is so hard for you right now. Sending you love and light

    Michele

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  6. Hey

    Its ok to be struggling, you have been through something that is very difficult and so very unfair. By writing those words and by asking for help, you have certainly done the right thing and it doesn’t make you weak or unable to cope.

    It makes you a real person with real emotions and its ok to express that. People put too much pressure on having to “get through” things when its just ok to let your emotions take hold. Go with them, express them and as painful as that may be, its all ok.

    You cant be expected to be strong all of the time, the death of a child is so very tragic and you need to allow yourself the time to grieve. People are around at the start and a few weeks after and its all fine and well but not a lot of people know about the aftermath … Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, months turn into years.. but feelings are always so fresh and people forget that for the people who are grieving that it does seem like yesterday.

    as you quite rightly say, different smells can trigger a memory, and this must be so very difficult for you.

    have you got any support int he form of a counsellor or bereavement services? Is this something that you feel that you want?

    I hope that in writing today, you have found some sort of comfort.x

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    1. admin

      I cant tell you all how you support has moved me today. I am working through my grief ok if thats possible. I have people to talk to when i need. My confession today was the feelings I have when I get fed up of being brave and in control, i just want to admit It hurts. xxx

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      1. What courage honey! It is so hard to say you are hurting and struggling, I wish I had the words to give you some relief or comfort. I have experienced loss, but not a child,it must be like a piece of your soul has gone missing. Big hugs and prayers, so much love and dreams and hopes froms mums around the world are going your way. Somebody to talk or write to, a bit of time and space for your feelings,
        Betty x

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  7. Annie

    You have my utmost respect and love for being brave enough to come out and share that. Admitting that you are struggling is a sign of great strength and I really admire you for having that strength.
    Some lovely responses to this post – that’s one of the joys of being in the blogging community, even when there’s no one right there in front of you to hug and talk things through with you can always reach out to other people who will rally round to try and support you.
    x

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