I sometimes wonder if I was born onto the wrong planet. So much of life is beyond me. I feel lost and suffocated by the expectations of this world.
I know I need to learn how to switch off. A news story can leave me in despair. A book about a charity, people in need leaves me feeling helpless.
The whole world is in need but I don’t know where to start.
I feel that I should be doing something but I haven’t a clue what. It’s this lost feeling that builds up frustration in my soul.
So many nights I have prayed to God, show me my purpose. Where do you want me? What can I do?
But I’m either not hearing the answer or it’s yet to come.
Last night I was trying to explain to my husband how I feel. He answered “you care to much” but is that possible. If we all cared enough the world wouldn’t be as it is. Children wouldn’t be dying of hunger, people wouldn’t be dying of diseases we can treat and so much more.
I was eavesdropping on a conversation the other day a woman was telling her friend about the plight of children in Africa. Then two minutes after talking about extreme poverty the conversation was on about a new dress she wanted.
I know I’m being unfair there are so many people in this world who do care. Who have given up their luxuries, freedom lives for others. I also know I am hypercritical when I desire things I want but don’t really need.
I know the frustration is mine. I need to do, to be. Yet I don’t know where to start.
I need a sign, some direction, a mission a calling. Something that makes me understand why I am here?