– noun 1. identification with the feelings of another
How many times have we read birth stories and cringed with reminders of the pain.
Felt the tiredness of a new mother.
A parents nerves on the first day of school.
We have all at one time felt empathy for someone.
Today I was reminded that I could emphasise with another on the lost of her daughter. The pain no body ever wants to face. The loss of a child rips at your soul. Changing you to the very core. You are not person you was five minutes before. You can never go back to that place. You are a grieving parent. The life role nobody ever wants to play.
Birthday parties, proms, graduations, weddings these we wish to plan not our child’s funeral. This isn’t fair, this isn’t how life is supposed to be.
How do I look this grieving parent in the face and say “everything will be ok”. I don’t know what ok is anymore. I know I have reached a place of survival a place where I accept life goes on. Yet the smile still never reaches my eyes.
I still haven’t worked out why the rest of the world carries on when inside I feel like it has stopped.
I still have moments where the tears fall unexpectedly. Times when the remembering overwhelms me. Her smile, her giggle her smell.
Does time ease your pain? I don’t know, some say the rawness eases of but for me there are days where I’m transported back into the agony of that fateful day.
Do you move on? The truth is we have no choice as the world turns on it’s axis the days become nights the weeks turn into months. We can’t stay still even if we desire to.
I have learned to laugh again. I see the joy in life once more. I embrace the future as what is yet to be. But the truth be told part of me is forever in 2008 that piece of my heart that will be forever with my daughter.
Will I be whole again, not anytime soon. I just hold on tight for eternity.
As for empathy it hurts. Knowing the pain my fellow grieving parent is feeling destroys me. It’s the pain you wish on nobody. My only words to share are these “don’t try to cope, just survive”.
I haven’t coped but I have survived.